Patrick Seitz

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November 24, 2003

My screenplay's done, and Eminem's the voice of reason? Goodness...

Just now—at two in the morning, on November 24, 2003—I finished the first draft of my screenplay.

And it’s wonderful.

No, actually, it’s horrible. It started out decently enough, if a little overwritten with regards to the descriptions. However, as its due date loomed larger and larger on the horizon, I felt the quality melt away—much like that last sliver of soap that always seems so mournful until it suddenly disappears mid-shower, and you have to wrap a towel around yourself and scare up another bar. By the end of the process, I was merrily cranking out up to 12 pages in a single day. The page count tore at quality’s soft underbelly like vultures having at a dead hyena.

However, seeing as how this is the single most labor-intensive bit of writing I’ve ever completed, I can’t face up to its crappiness. Not now, at least. Next quarter, when I’ll have a king’s ransom of ten weeks to revise it, sure. I’ll be the first to shout its deficiencies from the rooftops. But right now, I have to look at my little Quasimodo and squint just right until I’m looking at the prettiest tot in the universe.

Work with me, folks.

* * * * *

Oh no! Eminem’s reported to have made racist and/or misogynistic comments ten to fifteen years ago. Meanwhile, more pigmentally abundant rappers are given carte blanche to make similar comments every ten seconds or so without fear of censure.

Here’s a quote from one Ray Benzino, an owner of “The Source” magazine and unabashed Eminem enemy. I only wish I were making this up.

“Don't make this right now a double standard. We gotta treat this the same way you treat Mike Tyson, like you treat Kobe Bryant, like you treat R. Kelly, like you treat O.J. Simpson.”

Interesting comparison, Mr. Benzino. Let’s see how it holds up under further scrutiny.

Kobe Bryant: Alleged rapist.

R. Kelly: Alleged statutory rapist.

Mike Tyson: Ear-biting convicted rapist.

O.J. Simpson: Alleged wife-beater and murderer.

Eminem: Pissed-off teenager employing commonly-accepted vernacular within a specialized subculture.

How glad we all must be that Mr. Benzino spoke up when he did, freeing us of the race-related double-standard with which we were about to whitewash Eminem’s heinous crimes.