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July 17, 2003Free Mumia, and the E/F chord combo!
I think Metallica were a bunch of wankers for going after Napster, but they were legally in the right. For their next trick, though, they're deciding to just abandon all common sense and legal precedent.
Metallica has filed a trademark infringement suit against the Canadian band Unfaith, stating that the indie band's repeated use of the E and F chords in that order has led to "confusion, deception and mistake in the minds of the public."
It isn't that Metallica drummer/Napster-slayer Lars Ulrich doesn't want Unfaith to use said chords in said order--heavens, no! He just feels that Metallica should be credited for them whenever used and receive 50% of the profits generated by any song that uses them. It's sheer idiocy.
Here's the band's statement from the official Metallica website:
"We have elected to pursue legal action against Unfaith, a Canadian band using chords (E & F) traditionally associated with Metallica. We intend to agressively (sic) defend our rights in this matter to the fullest extent of the law. It's nothing personal against the band in question, as we intend to do the same to anyone else using the same chords in that order.
"We're not saying we own the E chord, or even the F - that would be ridiculous. We're just saying that together, people have grown to associate them with our music, and their continued use in the same song causes confusion, deception and mistake in the minds of the public.
"We are fighting this fight for our fans, who don't deserve to be subjected to this confusion... just as we appreciate their support through this."
Well, just so long as they're not saying they own the chords! I was afraid for a moment that the statement was going to include something asinine. Whew!
In case you're wondering, here are pictures of what the E and F chords look like. Each image is a link to a page that will tell you step-by-step how to play the illegal chords in the forbidden order. Please play them to your heart's content.
Here's my letter to Lars Ulrich, which I mailed to their management agency, and e-mailed to the webmaster of the official Metallica website and the president of the Metallica fan club:
Dear Mr. Ulrich,
I understand that Metallica has recently filed a trademark infringement suit against the Canadian band Unfaith, stemming from their unsanctioned and uncredited use of the E and F chords. I believe your band was asking that Metallica be credited for the chords whenever used and receive 50% of the profits from songs in which they're used.
While I hear that Metallica is receiving some negative press from those who say your trademark infringement case is utterly without merit, I can't tell you how delighted I am to hear you express your views and pursue your principals so fiercely. Based on these views of yours, I fully expect you to begin all future Metallica concerts by crediting the various indigenous cultures of the world for inventing and refining the drum as a musical instrument. Furthermore, I expect Metallica to donate 50% of their total revenue, past and present, to groups that most closely represent the interests and concerns of those indigenous people--namely, the Native American Rights Fund and the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission.
To do anything less would lead your listeners to the false conclusion that you personally invented the instruments you play to such considerable aplomb, causing--as you so eloquently put it in your own suit--"confusion, deception and mistake in the minds of the public."
Sincerely,
Patrick Seitz
Posted by patrick at July 17, 2003 12:22 AM
CommentsDidn't Metallica stop being relevent something like, I don't know, fifteen years ago? I do hope they pursue this suit for one reason, though -- as a wonderful way for the band to very publicly shoot themselves in the ass.
The defendent's attorney will do this to prepare for the case: he or she will go through the public domain repetoire of music and find as many examples as possible of the E and F chords being used in similar fashion long before Lars Ulrich was even a Hershey bar in his great-grandfather's back pocket, to paraphrase Laurie Anderson. That's standard defense in any musical copyright infringement case.
The other thing I find interesting is this: they never say which E and F chords. Emin FMaj, for example, wouldn't be any big surprise, and are rather actually complimentary to each other, since Emin contains the Major 7th and 9th of the key of F. Okay, there's that pesky B natural which gives you the ol' Devil's Interval when you stick it above an F, but otherwise the two go together well. And make it an EMaj/FMaj combo, you're getting along quite well in the key of A minor.
Of course, if it's something else, like EAug(b6+13) FDim(+9), they might be a hair closer to a case -- but only a hair. The problem is, in precedent, chord progressions really aren't dealt with in musical infringement cases, whereas melodies are.
On a related note, here's one bit of musical trivia for everyone: if you remember the song "The Hook" by Blues Traveller ("The ho-o-o-o-ok brings you ba-a-a-a-ck, I ain't telling you no lie-ie..."), think of the melody and see if it seems familiar.
Yep -- the entire song is based on the chord progression from Pachelbal's famous Canon (I think it's in D, can't remember offhand), and the two songs actually merge in and out of each other quite easily.
Finally, if you're a musician, you'll hear this kind of thing all the time -- the melody of one famous song will fit perfectly into the chord structure of another or, just as often, part of a song's melody will be identical to something else. It's a fun game to play, too.
And, after all, when you've only got twelve notes and about five or six non-jazz variations of the chords built on those notes, there aren't a whole lot of new places to go -- except in the melody and the rhythm.
As for Lars and friends, I know exactly where they can go. Ironically, it's exactly where Fundamentalist Christians have said they'd be going for years...
Posted by: Jon Bastian at July 17, 2003 11:04 AM
Nutz. No sooner do I post my tirade, above, then I find out this story was a hoax, picked up by several gullible newswires. But, once again, Snopes.com comes to the rescue.
The informative part is this, though -- the story seemed entirely plausible, which just demonstrates how badly Metallica has damanged their reputation with all their litigiousness in recent years. They're still a bunch of asshats.
Posted by: Jon Bastian at July 17, 2003 12:07 PM
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