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April 16, 2003Am I that scary?
Unbeknownst to me, I inspire fear and dread in the hearts of creative writing graduate programs across the country.
Of the six to which I applied, I’ve received rejection letters from four thus far. That’s the way the cookie crumbles when you apply to some of the best programs in the nation. Notice, though, with what polite phraseology they break the news to me. To read the excerpts below (with italics added for emphasis), you’d think that they’d all tried mightily to put my name on the acceptance list, only to be foiled by gravity or some other inescapable facet of physics. The letter from Iowa is the only one in which humans are credited with the decision not to accept me, and even then, the author is careful to lay blame elsewhere.
"The members of the Fiction committee have given your manuscript careful consideration, but I’m sorry to report that they have not approved your manuscript." - University of Iowa
"I am sorry to have to tell you that we will be unable to accept you into our graduate program in creative writing for next year." - Hollins University
"We are sorry to inform you that after considering your application, we have not been able to admit you to the M.A. program in The Writing Seminars 2003/2004." - Johns Hopkins University
"We are sorry to inform you that it has not been possible to recommend your admission for the fall of 2003." - UC Irvine
They’re all so consolatory. When the chickens come home to roost, they want to make sure I know that they were pro-Seitz.
If this whole graduate school thing doesn’t pan out, I think I’ll just climb the Empire State Building and swat at planes, or level Tokyo.
Posted by patrick at April 16, 2003 11:35 PM
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