« Welcome to PatrickSeitz.com | Traffic around here is picking up... »
February 03, 2003Oh, this is ironic...
Howdy, all. This is my second attempt at writing a journal entry tonight. The first one, entitled "Excuse me while I revel in the power,"--a gushing celebration of the thousands of years of human evolution which have culminated in my having my own website--was lost when I tried to bold some selected text and quite suddenly popped over into my browser's e-mail function.
I like Greek tragedies; I should have known better than to let loose with such e-hubris on my maiden entry.
Anyhow, this draft of the journal entry promises to be shorter than its predecessor, if for no other reason than that I’m too paranoid now to wax rhapsodic at any great length.
I hope that PatrickSeitz.com will serve a variety of purposes. For those who know me personally, I hope that this site will allow them to keep track of what I’ve been up to. For those whose interest (or potential interest) in me is industry-related, I hope that this site will provide them with enough information that convince them that, indeed, I am the [fill in the blank] for which they’ve been searching.
If absolutely nothing else, I aim to get my $12 worth from registering the domain name. C’mon folks…if we can’t rattle $12 of use out of this site in a year, that’s just sad. Sad in the same way that unused corsage in your freezer is sad. You remember. She called a few hours before the dance, swearing up and down that she was sick. You volunteered to drive over with some soup, but no, she didn’t want you to go to any trouble on her account. That next Monday, when you passed her in the halls, she didn’t even say hello…and it looked like she hadn’t been suffering from anything worse than an advanced case of the hickies.
Yeah, that corsage, man. That corsage. Abandoned. Forgotten. Twelve dollars of iconoclastic flora, tied up with a sporty little ribbon and sprigs of baby’s breath.
Don’t let this website be that corsage.
Posted by patrick at February 3, 2003 10:51 PM
CommentsWhat's the deal with the $12. I want $12. Where are my $12?
Posted by: Mike at February 4, 2003 07:44 PM
Dear Mr. Seitz: My name is Etaoin Shrdlu; I am production chief at EPE Studios in L.A. We are casting a new film, "Ben-Hur & Nefertiti: They Said It Wouldn't Last" and, on advice from Peter Sherrod of Morgan Creek, wonder if you'd like to see the script. We're looking for someone who can portray young Judah Ben-Hur at about age 25 as a kind of cross between Charleton Heston and Ray Charles. We hope to cast Anna Nicole Smith in the role of Nefertiti; her father will be played by Robert Wagner; her brother by Jack Wagner; his father by Jack Palance; his father's brother by Jack Nicholson, and Nefertiti's pet boa by Jack the wonder snake. Currently we are considering any of four directors: Spike Jonze, Spike Lee, Ang Lee, and Lee Iacocca; Lee van Cleef will serve as AD. Please e-mail me with an address where I can reach you. VTY, E. Shrdlu, Chief of Production, EPE Studios (a subsidiary of Globus Gateway Entertainment, Tel Aviv, Israel)
Posted by: Etaoin Shrdlu at February 5, 2003 10:54 PM
Dear Mr. Seitz: Good news! We have a commitment from George Clooney to portray the evil Masala, with Nick Clooney agreeing to co-star as George's father (which he is). His aunt, Rosemary Clooney, will portray his mother; Andy Rooney will star as the duplicitous former uncle, and Art Rooney will be coaching the combatants at the Arena. Mickey Rooney will play himself, and, most exciting of all, after lengthy negotiations with Paramount, his handlers have agreed and Mr. Chodish as will play Paco. Musical scoring duties have been narrowed down to Basil Paulidouris, Paul E. Dorris, or Ed Dorris. There's still an outside chance at Danny Elfman, but if he demurs we are in discussions with Jenna Elfman. And if all else fails, we can still get Nick (The Elf) Andrepopoulouloulous. Unfortunately, Nick the Elf, as he likes to be called, can only play one song, "Lady of Spain I Adore You," on his Moog synthesizer. I hope this news is as exciting to you as it is to us. Yours in faith, E. Shrdlu
Posted by: Etaoin Shrdlu, Production Chief at February 6, 2003 06:57 AM
Dear Mr. Seitz:
I have read what my husband has written to you and in his excitement over this film, he has
failed to advise as to the reason behind this great production. Not only is it a Jewish Romance,
but it is set in the new budding Christian faith as this is Ben Hur after his win in Rome. We
wish to have this film ready to be released sometime in April, specifically in Iraqi and
Palestinian theaters. As you can see, with so few brutal murders, crucifixions, and scenes of
abuse and torture, this film can only bring peace and promote love among the countries of the
world. Rest assured, if you will follow your instincts where this film is concerned, your success
is guaranteed. With Allah as my guide and salvation, and following his recommendations to buy low and sell high, I am, always in the eyes of God, may Allah reign forever and crush the hated infidels wherever they seek to hide, Sincerely, Shayala Shrdlu
Posted by: Shayala Shrdlu at February 6, 2003 07:24 AM
Mr. Seitz: I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. Our gifted
screenwriter, H.D.Storycrafter, has completed his final re-write of the script and managed to create characters modeled after M. Night Shayamalan, Shug Night, Bobby Knight, and Overnight, the Dark Knight of the Teutonic Knights of the Knights of the Round Table. I am so exciting, I can hardly contain myself, but I repeat myself, don't I just? E. Shrdlu, your loyal servant
Posted by: E. Shrdlu, Chief at February 6, 2003 07:28 AM
Post a comment